


Fill this Void in Me

by Reiyezerwyre



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Omega Verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:39:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9602081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiyezerwyre/pseuds/Reiyezerwyre
Summary: For the first time in his life Lu Han is alone in his mind, no shared thoughts or feelings lingering just beneath his own. Just an empty void where the warmth of his pack mate's shared consciousness had once been, where the warmth of his mate and pups had once been.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is a revised/extended version of a fanfic written for pinkjuliette on LJ during ONLAYFORLU's fic exchange in 2014. And includes news scenes in addition to general tweaking of the original writing, which amounts to more than 4,000 words of extra material.

The fire spits and crackles as the handful of branches that Jongdae fed it before he turned in for the night crumble into a pile of hot coals. The flames are slowly dying, but no one left around the fire cares to feed them again. It’s too late. Or early, rather. Only hours from dawn. It would be pointless to take the time to gather up another armful of wood when there’s only a couple hours of dark left and those still outside are barely awake.

 

From his place by the fire - his back to the mouth of the den – Lu Han quietly counts down the minutes until his watch comes to an end. His eyes wonder over the last of the pack’s night owls, who are finally beginning to show signs of needing sleep. Just off to his right, Sehun - a juvenile alpha less than a month from maturity - yawns long and wide. Eyes squinting, his lips pull back to reveal his canines, while his tongue curls up briefly. His gape is impressive. The long, trim cut of his jaw and muzzle is perfect for clamping down on a strong buck’s throat. Something Sehun has no problem boasting about whenever he can.

 

The overgrown pup stretches out his legs and tries to ward off sleep with a violent shake of his head that travels down the length of his body, shaking loose twigs and debris from his sandy-yellow coat. It’s a useless effort of course. Lu Han watches mildly amused as the young wolf’s head droops and his eyes come dangerously close to closing. Sehun’s exhausted, but too proud to admit it. Not while his twin brother and eternal rival – Tao – is still awake.

 

Stretching out one of his legs, Lu Han nudges the young alpha’s shoulder with his bare foot. The coarse fur of his young brother’s coat tickling between his toes. Sehun looks back at him questioningly, but barely awake. A few months ago the look would have melted Luhan’s heart, but the pup’s latest growth spurt had stretched out his features and burnt away the last of his puppy fat, striping his once irresistible puppy-eyes of their power.

 

Not swayed by his young brother’s waning charms, Lu Han gives the young wolf a knowing look as he cocks his head, silently gesturing over his shoulder at the den behind him _. Time to call it a night, don't you think?_ He suggests through the pack's shared consciousness, keeping his voice down so as not to disturb the rest of their brothers.

 

Sehun gives a noncommittal shrug in response - too tired to even couple it with one of his usual bratty remarks – and turns back to the fire. Despite barely managing to hold his head up he shows no sign of going along with his older brother’s suggestion, but Lu Han isn't planning on taking no for an answer. It’s time to pull rank, or at least what little rank Lu Han has.

 

 _Go on._ He prompts with another harder nudge for emphasis. _Get going._

 

 _But what about Tao?_ Sehun whines sleepily, like some pup that’s barely grown out of his milk teeth. Lu Han sighs to himself, quietly cursing the twins’ damn rivalry.

 

Since the day they opened their eyes Sehun and his older twin Tao have been caught up in a never ending effort to one-up each other. From their number of kills to the size of their canines, the pair have always tried to prove themselves better than the other. In all honesty the constant back and forth of it all irritates Lu Han to no end. He can only hope they grow out of it once they reach maturity, in a month or so. Tonight, however, he’s just going to have to grit his teeth and put up with it.

 

If he had been an alpha Lu Han could’ve just ordered the young wolf to bed - screw what Tao was doing - rather than relying whatever respect he’s afforded as the pack alpha’s mate. As pack omega Luhan has rank and authority equal to that of the pack’s senior beta – Yi Fan - but it is a hollow authority that is becoming increasingly susceptible to the mood swings and whims of hormonal juvenile alphas.

 

Even as the pack’s primary omega – and the only one in the pack permitted to mate – Lu Han will never really have authority or power over the twins. Sure when they younger he could use his age and standing in the pack to keep them in line, but with their coming of age only a month away the pair have been testing their boundaries.

 

They’ve just recently - a few weeks or so ago - come to the realization that despite being senior to them the pack’s secondary omegas and even some of the younger betas, can be swayed by their words. Of course the twins are still young and only just beginning to learn how to push against another’s consciousness to subvert their will. It takes a lot of work, but they've found that with enough persistence even the typically strong-willed Yi Fan can succumb to their whims.

 

Though Lu Han suspects that rather than actually manipulating Yi Fan’s will, Tao is just exploiting a soft spot that the senior beta clearly has for him. Maybe when the time comes for the young alpha form his own pack he’ll take Yifan with him.

 

As of yet the twins haven’t tried to subvert Lu Han’s will - though they would no doubt be capable of it - most likely out of fear of what Xiumin, their pack alpha, would do if he found out. So for now at least they still feign some respect for Lu Han’s authority.

 

 _Just go._ Lu Han orders with a gentle push against Sehun’s consciousness. It’s nothing like what alpha’s can do, more akin to a gentle shoulder-to-shoulder nudge than the kind of mental man-handling that Xiumin is capable of. _Tao won’t be too far behind you._ Another push for good measure.

 

Too tired to be stubborn and fight it out, Sehun begrudgingly climbs to his feet and makes his way to the den - the tip of his tail dragging behind him - while Lu Han turns his attention to problem number two.

 

Across the fire pit Tao has stretched himself out over Yi Fan’ lap, while the beta lazily cards his hand through the younger wolf’s thick, black coat, plucking out twigs and debris. The juvenile alpha is recounting the highlights of his latest victory over Sehun.

 

It’s a rare thing to see the senior beta be so gentle with one of his brothers, particularly since by nature he is usually cold and averse to physical contact. Lu Han remembers how adamantly Yi Fan had rebuffed and ignored Jongdae’s playful attempts to hug him earlier in the evening. All but physically striking the persistent omega, much to the amusement of his brothers.

 

But with Tao… he’s different. He’s a little softer around the edges, a little more willing to open up, which considering all of his brothers are already in his head twenty-four-seven is amazing really. Yi Fan clearly has a weakness for the older twin - even if he refuses to admit it - and Tao is more than happy to exploit it.

 

Despite being naturally affectionate with all of his brothers, Tao clearly has his favourite. The senior beta is the only pack member that Tao throws himself all over when he sheds his skin. He claims that it’s because the rest of the pack members are too small while in their skins and that he is afraid of crushing them under his bulk.

 

Of course no one believes his reasoning for a second. For one, Chanyeol is not that much shorter than Yi Fan, nor is he all that much smaller in build. For another, as much as Tao likes to think he is a big wolf he is not the biggest. Kyungsoo - the youngest of the mature omegas - is larger and heavier, and there have been plenty of nights where Lu Han or any of his other brothers have had Kyungsoo out of his skin and sprawled over their laps. Tao’s just a spoiled brat, who gets his kicks being spoiled by Yi Fan

 

 _...says I cheated, but I didn’t, don’t need to. He’s just slow._ Tao laughs. His soft voice a little louder than it needs to be in the pack consciousness. Yi Fan gives a low hum in response, looking up from the young wolf laying across his lap to meet Lu Han’s eye. With a knowing nod he stops running his hand through Tao’s fur and taps the pitch black wolf on the back, urging him to stand. He whispers quietly to the dejected young alpha, something placating no doubt, but Lu Han can’t be sure. Across the fire, in his skin, he’s out of earshot.

 

With a half-hearted whine Tao climbs off Yi Fan’s lap, shaking himself indignantly as though the beta has committed some great wrong against him by making him move.

 

Lu Han watches Yi Fan give the childish display a reproving look an-

 

Tao falls quiet. Lu Han tenses. His eyes searching the darkness as the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and his skin tingles. Even in his skin his slightly dulled senses tell him that something is out there in the dark, watching them. Yi Fan glances back over his shoulder as a low rumble grows in Tao’s throat. The young alpha's hackles rise and Yi Fan quickly sheds his skin.

 

A large dapple-white wolf emerges from the folds of Yi Fan’s discarded clothes at Tao's side. Bigger and broader than the juvenile alpha, Yi Fan takes a wide stance as his own growl grows like rolling thunder and he raises the alarm with a call.

 

 _Rogue pack._ Echoes through Lu Han's mind and in a heartbeat he feels his brothers begin to stir. Their feelings of unease, fear and confusion compounding his own as their alarmed voices fill his head.

 

At the edge of the darkness Tao and Yi Fan attempt to warn the strangers off, snarling and snapping. Behind them Lu Han crouches down as his skin grows hot. He itches to tear it off because in his skin he is vulnerable. His senses are dull, almost useless and in the presence of a threat his instincts have him scratching and clawing at his shirt, but just as he gets his claws under his skin Xiumin rushes out of the den - barely out of his own skin, clothes falling away from his coarse, off-white and black coat. Little more than a heartbeat later betas Joonmyun and Chanyeol are hot on his tail as they bound over the dying fire to join their brothers, Yi Fan and Tao.

 

In seconds Xiumin is at the head of the group, dying firelight playing over the marbled grey highlights of his coat. _Luhan!_ He calls. The weight of his voice deliberately pushing down on Lu Han's urge to shift, giving him a moment of clarity. _Go back to the den._

 

Even with the heavy familiar warmth of Xiumin's consciousness growing in the back of his mind, pushing against his will, Lu Han feels torn. The instinct to stand by his mate warring with his instinct to protect his young.

 

 _Luhan!_ Xiumin pushes harder, more urgent against Lu Han's will, when he senses him hesitating. His tone barely a breath from outright compelling his mate to obey. _Go!_

 

Spurred on by one last push from his mate and alpha, Lu Han falls back, turning on his heels and sprinting the few meters to the mouth of the den. As he enters he spares a glance over his shoulder just in time to see Xiumin leading the charge into the trees. His smoky-white tail melting into the dark as his brothers follow him, howling and snapping.

 

As Lu Han watches the rest of his brothers slip from sight the darkness erupts suddenly in a flurry of barks and growls. He feels the bottom fall out of his stomach and a cold dread filling his veins. But he tells himself everything will be alright, even though he doesn't believe himself.

 

Inside the den Lu Han finds the pack’s youngest beta Baekhyun and Sehun out of their skins - charged with protecting the pack's omegas and young. The oldest of the pair is pacing anxiously, the hackles of his burnt-orange coat raised. A hint of resentment at being left behind colors the adrenaline and unease that radiates from him. Behind Baekhyun, Sehun nervously sits on his haunches, watching the older wolf pace, uncertain and terrified, all of his young bravado suddenly stripped from him.

 

A few meters away, in the far corner of the den on the pile of furs where Lu Han and Xiumin sleep, Jongdae cradles Lu Han’s pups in his arms. All five of them whimpering and howling anxiously. By his side Kyungsoo attempts to calm a nervous Jongin - the pack’s only juvenile omega, Sehun and Tao's baby brother. Lu Han can sense that the young wolf is on the verge of tears, overwhelmed by everything he must be feeling from his brothers and terrified by the sounds he hears outside. Like Lu Han and the rest of the pack's omegas he is more sensitive to the pack's shared consciousness and the feelings that pass through it, but he lacks the age and experience to handle it.

 

The pups, still blind, fret in Jongdae's arms violently as they sense Lu Han approach, while Jongin whimpers pathetically into the crook of Kyungsoo's neck. Swallowing down his own fear Lu Han crouches down and rests a reassuring, but trembling, hand on the young omega’s shoulder. Closing his eyes for a moment he reaches out to Jongin’s consciousness attempting to sooth it and ease the sensory overload assailing him.

 

A yelp rings out. Hot, white pain bursts in the back of Lu Han's mind, knocking the wind from him as he pulls back. Jongdae and Kyungsoo both meet Lu Han's eye, sweat breaking out across their brows. Behind him, Lu Han hears Baekhyun stop pacing and feels Sehun tense.

 

They all feel it.

 

Seconds later another pain hits them, more intense than the last, sharp, burning like a heated blade being driven into the base of their skulls. Another flash of white light bursts behind Lu Han's eyes like a supernova, scattering his thoughts and senses. The heat of it burns the edges of his consciousness as Lu Han struggles to keep his feet. He can feel his strength weaver as the blinding light turns into pain. A pain that Lu Han has felt only once before.

 

The bottom drops out of his stomach as he drops to the floor.

 

Lu Han gasps, the back of his eyes stinging as the ground bites into his knees. Gathering his terrified pups into his arms, he buries his face in their fur, trying to take comfort in the smell of Xiumin on them. Baekhyun lets out a pained howl that tears at the gaping wound Lu Han can feel in the pack's consciousness, where a brother had been only seconds ago. Now only a tattered and frayed void at the centered of a maelstrom of frantic emotions remains.

 

Outside a brief chorus of howls answers Baekhyun, each one pained and mournful, as they melt into a flurry of growls and barks, angrier than before. In his mind Lu Han reaches out to the pack's consciousness as he clutches his pups to his chest, feeling the edges of the wound as waves of anger, loss, fear and a myriad of other dark and twisted feelings beat against him. Faint memories of red fur and a stupid toothy grin linger on the edges of the void as the emptiness turns cold. The warmth of Chanyeol's consciousness no longer within reach.

 

As he quietly mourns the loss of Chanyeol, Baekhyun's howls echo in Lu Han’s mind. He feels Jongdae wrap himself around his back, chin on his shoulder, in an effort to seek out comfort for himself from the older omega. Lu Han can sense the younger omega’s anxiety in the frantic beat of his heart and the damp scent of fear that hangs over him beneath his deceptively calm demeanor and presses their temples together in an effort to drown out the noise of fighting outside.

 

Jongdae exhales a shaky breath and squeezes Lu Han little tighter. He can hear the whimper that sticks in other omega’s throat. He can feel the cold terror radiating from his pups clutched to his chest. His hands tremble and his knuckles turn white. He feels like he is going to shake apart in Jongdae's arms, but he can't. He has to keep it together. If he breaks they all break. He is the primary omega, the emotional center of the pack. For the sake of all of them he has to keep it together.

 

Biting down on his tongue, Lu Han inhales sharply forcing down the feelings building up in him and pushing back the shared consciousness until it is little more than a low hum in the back of his mind. He looks up and watches Sehun pace, whining pathetically, while Baekhyun stares down the mouth of the den. At his side Kyungsoo whispers gentle comforts in Jongin's ear as he strokes the young omega's hair.

 

 _Sehun, Baekhyun._ Lu Han calls to them gently, stretching a hand out to them in offer. He wants to hold them, to feel the warmth of them and tell himself that he won't lose them. Baekhyun turns back to Lu Han and after a moment's pause edges closer until he is in reach. Sehun weavers, watching Lu Han carding his hand through the fur behind his brother's ear.

 

Lu Han calls to him again, but the young alpha just watches him, shifting his weight uneasily as though fighting against something within himself. Jongin senses it first, the dark vengeful thoughts that begin to grow in Sehun's chest. Jerking back from Kyungsoo suddenly, Jongin calls to his brother, reaching for him. But Sehun doesn't answer. His eyes turn dark and he moves back a step.

 

 _Sehun, don't!_ Baekhyun warns, pulling away from Lu Han. Sehun glances at Lu Han, and Lu Han can see the decision in his watery eyes.

 

Sehun shifts his footing. Baekhyun pounces, but misses by a hair as Sehun ducks under him and makes a break for the mouth of the den. There's a flurry of limbs and fur as Jongin scrambles from Kyungsoo's arms. _Sehun, noooooooooo!_

 

Kyungsoo does what he can to keep a hold of Jongin, but the young omega slips free, kicking him in the chest. Jongin's barely out Kyungsoo's arms before Baekhyun tackles him, knocking him face first to the ground.

 

 _Stay!_ The beta snaps, paw planted between Jongin's shoulder blades. _You want to get yourself ki– argh!_ Baekhyun doubles over as a pained yelp rings out just outside the mouth of the den. Another barbed lance of pain shooting through all of them.

 

Lu Han seizes, releasing his pups as he clutches violently at his chest. It feels as though his heart is being pulled out through his ribs and as he doubles over struggling to breathe he can hear Jongdae calling to him in a small voice – _Lu Han?! Lu Han!_ \- as his pups paw at him in panic. He crumples, collapsing to the floor in a heap. Jongin's pained screams are the last things he remembers before he passes out.

 

~-~-~

 

A tight grip on his scruff and a violent shake rouse Lu Han. The sharp, iron tang of blood stings his nose and his eyes water. There is a raw ache in the back of his mind where the warmth of his pack’s consciousness should be. He feels as though his ribs have been pried apart and the contents of his chest gouged out.

 

The hand on his neck grips him tighter pinching the bundle of nerves at the base of his skull. Lu Han feels his body go lax as he's lifted by the scruff and dragged over the earthen floor of the den, out to the fire pit.

 

Outside the air is thick with unfamiliar scents mixed with blood, bile and old smoke. From the smell of the ash in the air the fire has long since died out, but the blood is fresh.

 

"Found the bitch." A voice above Lu Han announces triumphantly as he is dropped face first onto what's left of the fire pit. He chokes on ash and charcoal as the wolves he can scent around him laugh. A foot catches him in the side and rolls him over. Sunlight blinds him for a moment and he squints as a figure leans over him, crouching down to brush the hair and soot from his face.

 

"Well ain't he pretty." The wolf muses as a heavy musk of sweat, blood and young alpha pheromones falls over Lu Han. "No wonder those whelps of his were so damn cute." A few feet away Lu Han can hear another wolf laugh as the one above him leans in closer. "Think he'll give me some good lookin' whelps too, if I breed him right?"

 

The young alpha laughs and toys with Lu Han’s hair, watching him squirm with a lecherous smile. His foul breath playing over Lu Han’s skin, making it crawl.

 

Suddenly the young wolf freezes at a low, rumbling growl behind him. The scent of an older, stronger alpha catches Lu Han’s nose and he can feel himself cowering. The younger alpha withdraws, head lowered as the one Lu Han can only assume is the pack alpha draws closer. As he passes the young alpha he lashes out striking him across the face with his claws drawn. The force of the strike driving the younger wolf to his knees.

 

“The bitch is mine.” The pack alpha growls, reaching down and grabbing Lu Han by the ankle, dragging him from the dead fire pit. His drawn claws bite into Lu Han's skin as he is dragged to the edge of the clearing, away from the rest of the invading pack.

 

Satisfied that he has Lu Han to himself the pack alpha releases him and drops down into a crouch over him. Lu Han cowers back, but the pack alpha follows, watching him, scrutinizing him with his keen eyes as he scents him.   

                                                                                                                                                        

“So you're that smoky bastard's bitch?” He asks drawing closer, hand landing on Lu Han's thigh, claws piercing flesh. Lu Han’s stomach rolls at the scent of blood laced in the alpha’s breath as the larger wolf closes in. "Scratched me up good, he did." The pack alpha gestures to cuts and gashes on his arms and chest. "before I tore out his throat." He laughs, inclining his head and indicating the clearing over his shoulder.

 

Lu Han’s gaze follows the gesture and he suddenly feels faint. Over the pack alpha's shoulder he can see what at first seems to be a heap of fur blankets piled haphazardly by the mouth of the den, but he recognizes the coloring of a smoky grey and black fur among the reds and browns...

 

Lu Han whimpers, the dull ache in the back of his mind turning sharp and the pain in his chest twisting violently as he makes out the bloodied mangled bodies of his brothers and mate. His brothers. Dead. His pack slaughtered. Their corpses piled like garbage, one on top of the other. Tao, Yifan, Joonmyun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Sehun, all piled together in a tangled bloody mess topped with the semi-decapitated corpse of their pack alpha, Xiumin. Luhan's mate.

 

A few feet away lie the disemboweled bodies of Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Jongin, still in their skins, limbs sprawled out at unnatural angles. Their clothes torn from their bodies, exposing their grizzly deaths. Kyungsoo’s throat torn open, deep claw marks curling over his hips. Bloody gashes run down the length of Jongin’s inner thighs, bite marks all over his chest. Jongdae gutted and dumped face down in the dirt.

 

They didn't even have time to shed their skins, to defend themselves. They never stood a chance.

 

Lu Han can feel the back of his eyes burning and the bile turning in his gut as he stares at the mauled features of Kyungsoo's gentle face, deep cuts running the span of his neck, slicing open his jugular.

 

"Why?" Lu Han grits between his teeth. His whole body trembling. Why would they do this to his brothers?

 

"Why not?" The pack alpha shrugs. "You've got a nice set up here, abundant food, easy access to fresh water – and omegas, especially nice looking breeders like yourself, are hard to come by these days. So can you blame us for wanting a share of the action? What pack needs four omegas? That's just being selfish.” He chides. “It's not our fault your alpha didn't want to share. But looking at you all I can see why he wouldn't want to. Sadly, my boys got a little too excited with the others and just couldn’t help themselves." He slaps Lu Han's thigh for emphasis, his hand coming away bloody. "but no matter, we’ve still got you and with those whelps of yours taken care of, you should be coming back into season real soon."  

 

Lu Han's heart stops and the world around him shrinks to a pinpoint at the center of the void in his consciousness. Staring into the dark abyss he feels something deep inside him break.  Something far darker than what had seen in Sehun's eyes wells up inside him. As the alpha rakes his eyes over him Lu Han can feel it fester inside him, boiling and bubbling until it violently erupts and Lu Han is bursting out of his skin with such force that it knocks the pack alpha back.

 

Shredded clothes and skin flying, Lu Han sees red and lunges at the alpha, sinking his teeth so deep into the flesh of the other wolf's neck that he can feel his canines grate against bone. Blood fills his mouth fueling his frenzy as he uses his considerable body weight to shake to pack alpha violently. In the background he can hear the alpha's pack mates howling and clamoring. But they're too late to save their leader. With a violent thrash of his head Lu Han rips out the pack alpha's throat.

 

Letting the dead weight fall from his jaws, Lu Han stares down the angry pack of wolves as they circle him. The young alpha taking up the lead. Lu Han has just killed their pack alpha, but they've just killed his family, his brothers, his mate and his children.

 

An eye for an eye.

 

As they draw closer LuHan growls in warning, baring his bloody canines, as he backs up. The young alpha responds in kind, shedding his skin and pouncing. Running purely on instinct Lu Han ducks and swerves, escaping into the forest. Behind him a chorus of howls fill the air as the wolves give chase. Bounding over fallen logs and weaving through the forest, Lu Han runs with everything he has and no idea where he's heading.

 

~-~-~

 

Lu Han wakes with a jerk, the phantom calls of his pursuers still echoing in his mind. The sudden movement sends a lance of sharp, burning pain shooting up his leg, dissipating the fog from his mind and prodding the tangle of nausea writhing in his gut. He whines pathetically, curling in on himself as his chest tightens - leg on fire as he moves - and a small whimper falls from his lips.

 

A shiver racks his body as memories of bloody pelts and the smell of death well up from the gaping void in his consciousness where the warmth of his pack had once been. For the first time in his life, Lu Han is alone in his own mind and the realization terrifies him. No quiet whispers between Baekhyun and Chanyeol at the edge of his consciousness as they plan their next prank on Joonmyun. No rushes of unexpected excitement as Tao once again beats Sehun home for the umpteenth time. No warm feelings of contentment and pure adoration radiating from Xiumin as he watches Lu Han with the pups from across the fire pit.

 

At the thought of his now dead mate and young, Lu Han's chest suddenly tightens. He gasps, clutching at his bare chest as he screams. He screams himself breathless between heartbroken sobs. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he buries his face into the deer pelt beneath him-

 

Lu Han freezes, choking on a sob, body tense and senses alert. The fur is soft beneath his fingers as he pushes himself up right, arms trembling as he bites down on the pain in his leg. It's dark - Luhan can barely see more than a few feet with his human eyes - and the air is damp, earthy. He's underground, in a den no doubt. The musk of wolf permeates everything around him, even the pelt beneath him. It's so strong that even in his skin Luhan can smell it. Alpha.

 

Heart suddenly beating in a wild panic at the thought that his pursuers had finally caught up to him, Lu Han tries to gather himself up. But there is a distinct sound of grating bone and a pain in his leg so intense that Lu Han feels himself grow faint. His grip on consciousness wavering for a moment.

 

His trembling arms give out he collapses in a heap on the deer pelt beneath him drenched in cold sweat. He can't get up. He can't escape. A lump forms in his throat and he struggles to breathe. _This is it. This is the end of the line for me._ He thinks to himself. _Maybe if I'm lucky they'll just kill me._

 

A rustle of cloth and the shuffle of feet catches Lu Han's ear. Driven by fear he backs himself against the wall behind him, swallowing down a pained yelp when he tries to move his leg. Body trembling, Lu Han prepares to defend himself, claws draw and canines bared. It's the most he can manage. He doesn't have the energy or time to shed his skin. He may have resigned himself to death, but he refuses to dishonor the memory of his brothers by going down without a fight.

 

A moment later a figure comes into view. A man of slight build and lithe frame, but he reeks of wolf. It's his scent that Lu Han can smell all over the den. Lu Han growls in warning and the young man glances up from the thing in his hand surprised and unconsciously backs up half a step, as though he hadn't expected to find Luhan awake and ready to strike.

 

"You're awake, thank goodness." The stranger starts, setting down his backpack. A smile breaks out on his face and a small dimple presses into his cheek as he watches Lu Han. The young man looks like the least threatening alpha Lu Han has even seen and for a moment he wonders if he's scented the other wolf wrong, but quickly decides that whether this stranger is alpha or not, a wolf that's not pack is a wolf that can't be trusted.

 

"I was worried that you wouldn't wake up.” The wolf continues, “You were in one hell of a state when I found you at the bottom of that ravine. I seriously thought you were dead. Are you alright? I think your leg is broken. Any pain? Do you have a fever?"

 

He blabbers aimlessly, talking in an endless string of confusing statements and questions as he runs a hand through his hair and rolls up his sleeves almost like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He glances over Lu Han as he steps forward, reaching for Lu Han's leg but Lu Han recoils, growling. The wolf either doesn't notice or doesn't care and reaches out again, this time raising his hand to Lu Han's head. Lu Han jerks back violently and snaps at the stranger's fingers for good measure. The wolf draws his hand back with a sharp hiss and pauses for a second to inspect his bleeding fingers. Lu Han tastes blood of the tip of his tongue.

 

The wolf's smile drops for a second, but just a little. The corners of it trembling as though the wolf is struggling to keep it in place. Lu Han watches him return to his bag and begin pulling out handfuls of pungent smelling herbs and weeds. "This should help with your leg, keep it from getting infected, and this..."

 

"What do you want with me?" Lu Han barks suddenly, cutting off the wolf's train of thought.

 

He glances up at Lu Han curled defensively against the wall. "Nothing." His smile falters again briefly. "I just wanted to help." He gestures at Lu Han's leg. "You're in pretty bad shape. I just thought I could help."

 

There's a genuine sense of sympathy and a desire to help in the wolf's voice that catches Lu Han off guard. It's almost as though Lu Han's presence has given meaning and purpose to the young wolf's life with the way he looks at Lu Han, hoping that he will be allowed to help. Lu Han doesn't know how to respond it, so he simply gives a small, hesitant nod in understanding and maybe a small degree of consent. But he isn't sure. He still doesn't trust the other wolf.

 

But the nod seems good enough for the wolf, who quickly gathers up his herbs and begins shuffling around the den, grabbing a mortar and pestle, bandages and a bowl of water. “…best bathe those open wounds. This should do the trick. Need to get some more of this later, to keep any fever down…” With a cautious glance up at Lu Han, to check that he hasn’t changed his mind, the wolf begins grinding the herbs, mixing them into the water and then cautiously sets about bathing Lu Han's wounds.

 

As he draws close the heavy scent of alpha falls from him and Lu Han tenses, a fleeting sense of panic taking over him. The wolf pauses, a small crease forms in his brow. “Would you rather I leave you to do it yourself?” He asks, his voice so small and timid that almost reminds Lu Han of Tao, whenever Xiumin was angry with him, back when he still had his milk teeth of cause.

 

The memory squeezes Lu Han’s chest and for a moment he can’t breathe. The alpha takes Lu Han’s silence as an answer and sets the blow of herbal water down, preparing to leave Lu Han to care for himself. But Lu Han wouldn’t even know what to do, so he reaches out to the wolf to stop him.

 

“No. It’s – It’s alright.” Lu Han’s voice is horse and barely more than a whisper, but it’s enough for the alpha to understand. He crouches down again, taking a small cloth and dipping it into the water.

 

"Name’s Yi Xing." He explains as he gingerly takes Lu Han's hand in his own and begins bathing his torn nail beds, gently dabbing the damaged skin where his claws had ripped through. It stings and Yi Xing apologizes every time Lu Han flinches.

 

"I'm sorry about before, you know.” He continues. “It's just when you've spent your whole life alone it's kind of hard to stop talking once you start. Not that I'm lonely or anything. Just, you know, tend to forget to stop. Don't get much chance to talk to people. Not a lot people, or wolves for that matter, come out this far. So you can imagine how surprised I was to find you. Seriously, my heart nearly flew out of my chest. Well, mainly because I thought you were dead and then you moved. Swear I jumped higher than a jack rabbit."

 

Satisfied with his work on Lu Han's hand, Yi Xing reaches for the other one. He takes a moment to study the mess, a pained look crossing his eyes as he turns Lu Han's hand over. Lu Han’s palms are torn to shreds and coated in dried blood. Two of his claws are chipped and another is split right down to the root. “What were you running from?” Yi Xing quietly muses, more to himself than actually asking Lu Han. The tone of his voice not expecting an answer. With a soft sigh Yi Xing continues dabbing his cloth - dipped in herbal water - at Lu Han's wounds. Musing and talking endlessly as he works. Lu Han just listening.

 

By the time Yi Xing is satisfied that he has cleaned all of Lu Han's wounds, he's on his fourth bowl of herbal water. The cloth is stained a deep shade of pink and Lu Han feels as though he is bandaged from head to toe. His chest is wrapped tight, because Yi Xing suspects he has some bruised ribs. His hands once bathed are bandaged and his leg is splinted within an inch of its life.

 

Lu Han watches from what he now knows is Yi Xing's bed as his rescuer packs away what remains of the herbs he'd collected, stowing them away in a handful of small jars stacked in the far corner of the den. Apparently his mother - a pregnant she-wolf who'd been exiled from her pack - had taught her only surviving pup, Yi Xing, about herbal medicines that could be found in the forest and how to use them. She'd taught him a lot of things, according to Yi Xing, everything he knew in fact. And when she died, not long after Yi Xing reached maturity, he'd been left to fend for himself.

 

As he listens to Yi Xing describe life alone, Lu Han begins to envy to alpha. He's never known pack life. He's never experienced shared consciousness or the gaping whole it can leave when it's ripped from you. He doesn't know the pain Lu Han feels twisting in his chest. He doesn't feel empty and hollow. He doesn't feel the aching loneliness that throbs in the back of Lu Han’s mind, cold like ice against his back.

 

Lu Han envies Yi Xing.

 

In Yi Xing's care, Lu Han listens while Yi Xing talks. He talks endlessly about everything, even mundane things as he tends to Lu Han's wounds. Sometimes he asks questions that Lu Han never answers. Lu Han doesn't want to think about the things he's lost, much less talk about them. He just wants Yi Xing to keep talking. The alpha's mindless chatter is like a balm on the ragged edges of the void in his mind. It keeps the daunting silence away and distracts Lu Han from the darker thoughts that begin to fester in the darkness of the void.

 

Whenever Yi Xing leaves him to hunt, Lu Han finds himself withdrawing into to his mind, poking at the empty space at the back of his mind. Sometimes he sits there for hours on end staring into it imagining he can still hear his brothers, still sense his young, and still feel the warmth of his mate. He knows they are out there, somewhere just out of reach and he finds himself shuffling closer and closer to the edge with each passing day, extending his hand out into the darkness, hoping to grab a hold of something.

 

Yi Xing quickly notices how withdrawn Lu Han becomes after being left alone - even though he doesn’t seem to completely understand why - and how hard it is to bring him back each time. So he deliberately shortens his hunting trips, opting for small game like fowl and rabbits to feed them. He stops asking questions, instead choosing to watch Lu Han – as though the answers to his question are written on Lu Han's face – while he talks to fill the silence. It makes Lu Han uneasy, the way Yi Xing watches him - adjusts to him, like a river bowing to the contours of the land - and slowly he grows paranoid that Yi Xing can see something in him that he doesn't want seen.

 

Almost three weeks after Yi Xing found him, Lu Han is able to put a little pressure on his leg and – with the help of a crutch that Yi Xing made for him – leave the suffocating darkness of the den for the fresh air of the forest.

 

The first time he steps outside he cries.

 

~-~-~

 

Pre-dawn.

 

Those few quiet hours when the night draws to an end. Those last few moments of darkness before the sun rises. They once belonged to Xiumin and Lu Han.

 

The eerie silence of the fading night perfect for stolen moments between them while their brothers slept. Their pack’s shared consciousness little more than a low, warm hum just above their subconscious. A secret shared between the two of them as they ran to their hearts’ content under the cover of darkness.

 

Cold sweat and foggy breath. Numb fingers and blue lips. Breathless laughter and the toxic rush of adrenaline. Together they owned the night. They were fearless and bold. Tempting fate as they skirted and crossed the limits of their territory. Chasing highs as they let themselves fall into each other and every dangerous, reckless thing born between them.

 

Lu Han is dizzy and out of breath. Lungs burning and throat dry as he runs, swerving and ducking without reason or rhyme. The rapid, heavy pant of Xiumin on his heels excites him, driving him on, pushing him to dig deep and pull away from his mate. Xiumin laughs. Even in Luhan’s head through their shared consciousness he sounds breathless. _Seriously? You think that’s gonna be enough?_

Lu Han knows it won’t be. He’s never beaten Xiumin, not because he can’t, but because he’s never wanted to. He loves being caught by Xiumin. Loves the excitement of his mate nipping at his heels, before overtaking him. Loves the pure unadulterated ecstasy that washes over him, bleeding from Xiumin’s consciousness, unhindered and untainted by the presence of their brothers. Nothing but pure Xiumin and all his emotions flowing through Lu Han’s consciousness like oil slick – thick and toxic - until he’s coated in it.

 

He can sense Xiumin pulling up along his side. His mate’s laughter grows louder in his head, more erratic than it had been, almost delirious. So raw and unchecked that Xiumin seems to start choking on it. Lu Han spares a glance at his mate-

 

“Lu Han!”

 

Lu Han snaps awake, drenched in a cold sweat, his ears filled with screaming. Someone’s got him by the shoulders, shaking him. Disorientated he lashes out, instinct telling him to fight his attacker off. They’re strong, but blind panic trumps strength when one of Lu Han’s flailing hands connects with flesh. A yelp of pain. The hold on his shoulders eases enough for Lu Han to get free and scramble away, kicking out his good leg to keep the stranger at bay.

 

“Lu Han! It’s me Yi Xing.”

 

 _Yi Xing?_ Lu Han freezes, confused. The screaming stops and in that moment Lu Han realizes it had been him screaming. Body trembling and nerves frayed, he tries to take stock of himself, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness.

 

Yi Xing stands across from him, holding the side of his face, blood trickling over the back of his hand. “Lu Han?” He continues tentatively. “You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?”

 

Rattled, Lu Han glances down at his bloody hand - claws drawn - and shakes his head. “No.” He chokes out in a whisper. “No! No, no, no.” He repeats, tugging at his hair as it comes back to him.

 

Red.

 

Blood red.

 

Xiumin’s smoky-white coat drenched in blood. Blood pouring from an open gash that ran the length of his neck, stretching for ear to ear, as he ran by Lu Han’s side.

 

Yi Xing reaches for him, an offer of comfort, but Lu Han bats his hand away pathetically, recoiling. He doesn’t want to be touched. He feels sick, the pit of his stomach turning violently, twisting and writhing. He feels caged in, pressed against the wall with Yi Xing standing over him. He begins to hyperventilate, clutching at his chest. He needs to get out now.

 

Surging forward he pushes Yi Xing – confused and worried - back, fumbling around blindly for his crutch before hurrying outside. Once outside Lu Han, just walks and walks as fast as he can, dying to run but crippled by his injured leg.

 

The kiss of an early autumn chill on his bare skin makes Lu Han break out in gooseflesh as the cool, damp of the grass between his toes kicks up dying memories, little more than dust clouds swept up from the darker corners of his mind that he can’t escape. His hands tremble as the cold sinks into his bones, and his fingers – locked tightly around the handle of his crutch – go numb.

 

_Lu Han._

 

Lu Han tenses, head whipping round over his shoulder, half expecting Yi Xing to have followed him. There’s nothing but trees and darkness behind him. He’s alone.

 

_Lu Han!_

His heart rattles in his chest. His breathing quickens. Eyes darting around him.

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing, but shadows…and ghosts. Lu Han can hear them. His brothers. Their voices echoing up from the depths of the void inside him. Laughing. Whispering. Calling him closer.

 

 _What’s wrong, Hanie?_ Xiumin laughs, airy and faint, like a poorly remembered dream. His voice filling the darkness in the back of Lu Han’s mind. _You scared?_

 

Lu Han’s grip on his crutch tightens. The imperfections in the wood biting into his palm as he recalls the moment being dredged up from his subconscious. It’s the first time Xiumin took him night diving. He can feel the warmth of Xiumin’s hand on his cheek, despite the cold, as his mate attempts to reassure him. He can smell the scent of him and the icy sting of new snow fall under the crisp bite of the late night air. _All you’ve got to do is relax._ Xiumin explains calmly. His hand falling to Lu Han’s chest as he guides him back, gently pushing him back towards the edge. _It’s easy. Just let go._

 

Lu Han tries to shake the memory off, stumbling back at the phantom pressure on his chest. He lashes out but there’s nothing there.

 

 _Come on, Lu!_ Chanyeol calls from behind him and Lu Han turns to follow the voice. _Hurry up! Everyone’s waiting._

All around him, the shadows stretch and warp, bleeding into each other until Lu Han can barely see his hand as he reaches out ahead of him. He knows the faint caress of tiny fingers that he can feel over his palm is all in his head, but that doesn’t stop him hoping for a moment that it’s real. Hot tears well in his eyes, burning their way down his cheeks, tracing slow languid rivulets over his skin.

 

 _Shh, it’s okay._ Kyungsoo soothes, whispering in his ear, like he would for Jongin when he’d worked himself up into a fit. _Everything’s going to be alright. Just close your eyes._

 

And Lu Han does. He closes his eyes, letting the voices of his brother’s wash over him. Dropping the crutch, Lu Han sinks to his knees and reaches out to the void in his consciousness. Even though months have passed the edges are still raw and cold.

 

As his fingers play along the crest of his collar bone, claws raking gently over his skin, Lu Han can see them in his mind’s eye, standing just out of reach. Beyond the edge of the void. They beckon to him, smiling back at him as he pushes a little harder, breaking the skin.

 

 _That’s it, Hanie!_ Xuimin encourages, his smile growing wider as Lu Han curls his claws under his flesh. _Let it all go!_

And Lu Han does. With a violent jerk of his hand he tears a strip of flesh from his chest. Pain, like fire, burns through his nerve endings, leaving him breathless as he bites down on the urge to scream. Somewhere in the corner of his mind he realizes that something’s not right - shedding his skin shouldn’t like hurt this – but it’s drowned out by the whispers of encouragement coming from beyond the void.

 

 _Let go, Lu._ Kyungsoo instructs, in that gentle way of his. His voice soothing and welcoming like the hand he holds out to Lu Han. _Just a little more and then your free._

 

_Free._

 

That’s what Lu Han wants, to be free with his brothers. With a gasp he doubles over, throwing out a hand to catch himself. The damp feeling of the grass blades beneath his palm grounds him, giving him a point of focus while he tries to will the endorphins that are meant to ease shifting to kick in. He’s never shed his skin like this before, without the cocktail of hormones shifting naturally triggers to numb to pain. At this rate he runs the danger of losing consciousness before he can finish.

 

He knows, and yet Lu Han can’t bring himself to stop. He can see in his mind’s eye the smile on Xuimin’s face begin to fall as Lu Han grows little headed and struggles to not pass out from the pain. _No!_ Lu Han begs, desperate to not disappoint his mate. _Wait, I can do this!_

He can. He just needs time. The endorphins will start working any minute now. They will. But he can’t wait, he needs to be out of his skin now. Once he is he’ll be free, able to run to his brother’s, to Xuimin. Raising his hand to his chest again, Lu Han bites his tongue and tears another strip of flesh from his body. He screams. The pain turning white hot as his body starts to tremble uncontrollably.  

 

_More! Just a little more, Lu –_

“Lu Han!” A vice like grip seizes Lu Han’s wrist and wrenches his hand away from his chest. “My god, what – Lu Han?“

 

Too weak to shake the hand off, Lu Han growls in warning, lashing out with his free hand. “Let go!”

 

“No!” Yi Xing growls back, his grip tightening. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

 

“Let go!” Lu Han repeats, staring Yi Xing down, heart beating frantically in his chest and feeling as though he’s about to fall to pieces with how violently his body is now shaking. “I need this. I need them.”

 

Yi Xing doesn’t waver. His expression uncharacteristically severe, as he looks down at Lu Han. “You’re going into shock.” He states. Even in pain and on the edge of delirium, Lu Han doesn’t miss the hint of panic in Yi Xing’s voice and that just make him more desperate.

 

“I need this.” He pleads, his growl turning into a pathetic sob as he tugs fruitlessly against Yi Xing’s hold. “You don’t understand. I _need_ this.”

 

“You can’t,” Yi Xing presses, dropping to his knees and reaching out to cradle Lu Han’s face in his hand. “your body isn’t ready. You don’t have the stren–“

 

“Then help me.” Lu Han feels Yi Xing’s hand twitch against his cheek, an involuntary tell. Revulsion, maybe. Or perhaps, fear. He’s asking something of Yi Xing that he’s never asked anyone. Something wolves rarely ask of each other. Something he would never ask if he could do it himself. “Please. I’m in so much pain. I can’t do it myself.”

 

The hold on Lu Han’s wrist tenses for a moment before falling slack and Yi Xing drops his bloody hand completely. He wilts with a shaky sigh, head bowed. “Only if you promise me one thing, Lu. You never leave my sight.”

 

“Alright” Lu Han agrees, a wave of relief washing over him as Yi Xing drops his hand to gaping wound on Lu Han’s chest, slowly curling his claws into the weeping flesh. The sting of it fans the flames of pain, and Lu Han hisses sharply, but the prospect of finally being free of his heavy, cumbersome skin numbs everything a little.

 

“Ready?” Yi Xing asks, meeting Lu Han’s eye again. “I’ll try to make this quick, so don’t pass out me.”

 

Lu Han grabs Yi Xing’s wrist and grits his teeth. “Yes, do it.”

 

~-~-~

 

Body burning. Heart pounding. Gasping for breath. Lu Han runs. Hard. Harder than he has ever run before; harder than he’d run as a whelp, racing Yi Fan home, desperate to prove himself; harder than he'd run chasing down his first kill, the excitement of the hunt singing in his veins; harder than he'd run escaping death. 

 

Ducking and weaving blindly, mindlessly, without propose or reason, Lu Han feels strangely quiet. The world little more than a blur around him. The void in the back of his mind little more than a memory, cloaked in silence. It’s a strange feeling, almost like being at peace, except for how empty he feels. But regardless of how much if should scare him, he throws himself into it completely, drowning himself in it as he tears through the forest, every inch of him on fire.

 

A pale auburn shadow keeping pace, flickering between the trees at his side.

 

~-~-~

 

That night. That night blinded by grief and desperation, Lu Han found solace. Peace in the thrill of the run and quiet in the detachment from himself. In that moment Lu Han had felt something change in him. The edges of the void inside him began to soften, to the point they no longer cut Lu Han as deep. But in his skin, weighed down and stifled in his flesh, trapped in a body crippled by his injuries, the voices of his brothers still whispered to him. The nightmares just as terrifying and the pain as deep as it had been.

 

Lu Han knew that he’d never feel right in his own skin again.

 

The run would be his only escape.

 

Little more than a day and a half later he was begging again. Begging Yi Xing to set him free, to tear his flesh from his bones, deeper, harder. Until his skin never returned. But the alpha had refused. That first time had been a mistake. It could have killed Lu Han if he had succumb to shock and Yi Xing refused to risk that again. Lu Han didn’t have the strength to do it himself and wouldn’t till he’d healed. And not matter how willing he was to do it memories of the pain stayed his hand at every attempt.

 

The next time Yi Xing found him, hands bloody and tear strains running the length of his face, had simply cradled Lu Han’s trembling hands. Answering his pleas with a shuttered look, pained eyes and a quiet, “No.”

 

He looked at Lu Han differently after that.

 

~-~-~

 

For someone who once prided himself on how well he could read his brothers, Lu Han finds that he is very bad, hopeless actually, at reading Yi Xing. He's not blind. He’s noticed the way Yi Xing's eyes follow, something Lu Han can’t understand behind his eyes. Something that puts Lu Han on edge.

 

He’s noticed the way the alpha unconsciously angles himself towards Lu Han for no reason when Lu Han speaks; the way his touch sometimes lingers longer than necessary when he tends to Lu Han's wounds. Lu Han isn't blind, but without a shared consciousness, a window into Yi Xing's thoughts and feelings, like he had with his brothers Lu Han finds that he can't make sense of any of it.

 

It doesn't dawn on Lu Han until Yi Xing spells it out for him one night - almost two months after the night, when Yi Xing set Lu Han free of his skin - as they sit outside Yi Xing's den side by side, watching the fire burn out. Yi Xing had been describing the events of the day’s hunt in excessive detail, with frequent small remarks about ‘if Lu Han had been there’ and ‘when Lu Han’s leg heals’.

 

Lu Han’s not sure if he wants to go hunting with Yi Xing once his leg heals. Part of him, a part he has taken to hiding from Yi Xing, longs to be free and Lu Han knows that the moment he’s fit enough to shift he’ll burst from his skin, hit the ground running and never stop. Because even though it’s been almost three months since he lost his pack he still has nightmares that he is desperate to escape.

 

"What's it like?" Yi Xing asks leaning against Lu Han's side, gently resting his head on Lu Han's shoulder in a way that has become habit, an unspoken apology, pulling Lu Han from his thoughts.

 

“Wha...”

 

"Shared consciousness."

 

Lu Han tenses. He’s never spoken of his pack, never admitted to ever having one. "How did you...?"

 

"I smelt them on you when I found you, you know other wolves, so I just assumed they were….you know– ” Yi Xing shrugs half-heartedly. “like you, my mother used to –” He trails off, leaving the rest unspoken. Nightmares. Like Lu Han, Yi Xing’s mother had been plagued by nightmares.

 

“How long?” He asks tentatively, unsure if it even something he had the right to ask.

 

Yi Xing doesn’t answer, and for a moment Lu Han wonders if maybe he had crossed a line. “Years” the alpha started. “Eventually they drove her to her death.”

 

“I sorry.” Lu Han apologizes, suddenly racked with guilt. He had no right to dig up Yi Xing’s memories.

 

Yixing rests a hand on his thigh in what Luhan guesses is intended to be a comforting gesture, “What's it like?" He asks quietly.

 

Lu Han closes his eyes, inhales deeply and swallows down the lump in his throat, forcing back the memories that Yi Xing’s question is stirring up. He’s not sure he can do this, not sure that he wants to. It’s so much easier to forget what happened and to ignore the empty corner of his consciousness. He’s finally beginning to feel…something. Not normal, definitely not normal, but something better than he had been feeling – and he owes it to Yi Xing to answer.

 

“It’s okay,” Yi Xing reassures him, pulling away. “You don’t have to tell me, I’ve just… you know, never -“

 

"Like..."

 

Yi Xing stops, settling back down next to him and Lu Han can feel the quiet alpha watching him as he struggles to find the words. How could he describe what it was like to have a shared consciousness to someone who had never experienced it?

 

"Like your mind is always running a million miles an hour with thoughts and feelings that aren't all yours. Like never having anything to yourself, no secrets, no fears." Lu Han remembers Xiumin and his pups. "It's never being alone and always feeling loved and when you lose it.... it feels like a better part of you has been carved out of your chest with a dull blade. Like…you’re suddenly alone inside your own mind and you just feel hollow and cold, staring at this gaping void inside...that…"

 

Lu Han feels a hand cup his cheek and he opens his eyes to see Yi Xing kneeling in front of him, watching him intently. "Would you ever want that feeling back again? I’m mean, to not feel hollow and alone. Not now, of course. Not…not now, that would be… but, you know, maybe, someday?"

 

Confused at what Yi Xing is asking him, Lu Han tries to read it in Yi Xing's eyes as the alpha continues, barely making any sense. "Not that you’re alone, well not here at least, though you might as well be sometimes. I’m not much for company… probably annoying actually. You’d probably rather be alone. I know I talk too much, don’t know when to stop, of course. I'm not much of a pack, but something is better than nothing, then again, no idea what I’d be doing, no doubt drive you insane, no off-switch and all that, but... it's a start." 

 

As Lu Han watches the play of firelight over Yi Xing's face it hits him. He suddenly realizes what the alpha is asking him with his mess of spoken thoughts. "I ... I don't think I..." He stammers, suddenly tense.

 

"Oh, oh no…No, I'm not asking for that... well, I am, but... I’m not….no, not right now. Right now, I just… I just wonder if…if maybe you could consider me a brother or…pack, I guess… you know. All either of us has is each other..." Yi Xing starts babbling, talking himself in endless circles while Lu Han comes to terms with what the alpha is asking.

 

Does Lu Han want to have a pack again? He thinks of the void inside him. The cold, dark place that used to glow with warmth at the back of his mind. A shared pack consciousness with Yi Xing wouldn't fill the void, but it would certainly take the edge off, maybe even quiet the ghost that haunt him, and Lu Han can't deny that even a little warmth is more welcome than none.

 

"Yes." He murmurs so quiet Yi Xing doesn't hear him.

 

"... you wouldn't have to carry all that pain alone. I could carry some of it for you, but then I guess you’d take on some of mine…but, we could share the load."

 

"Yi Xing, I said 'yes'" Lu Han repeats and Yi Xing stops. It takes him a moment to process what Lu Han has just said.

 

"Wha... seriously?" The widest grin Lu Han has ever seen breakouts out over Yi Xing's face, his dimple pressing into his cheek deeper than ever, and he swoops in to kiss Lu Han, but stops short and pulls back sheepishly. "Brothers, right? For now."

 

Lu Han nods. "For now."

 

"I promise you won't regret this." Yi Xing smiles giddily, patting Luhan's cheek. And as he listens to Yi Xing excitedly babble about finally being part of a pack, Lu Han doubts he is going to regret this.


End file.
